Get To Know Your Boundaries
It took me a few too many months to learn that I needed to set myself some boundaries when it came to dating. I am still to this day trying to bend and sometimes completely ignore the criteria I set myself last summer, much to my own dismay. But hey, it’s fun though right?!
When I threw myself into the world of dating, I hadn’t put much thought into types of guys I should or shouldn’t be dating. I’m on the higher end of the spectrum of being a ’20 something year old’ but I will hold onto that until it is prised from my hands on my 30th birthday. Now unfortunately for me, I have the mentality of a 23-year-old which lead to me having an express interest in guys in their early/mid-20s. Of course, this makes me sound like a bit of a cougar, which depending on how you look at it may not be far from the truth.
The first age related red flag was waved in my face after I had a brief encounter with a lad in his VERY early 20s. I was always under the impression that younger guys would be super eager which was certainly true, but I would have to say that experience has to win over enthusiasm in this particular scenario! After realising my mistake very early doors I hot-footed it back to my apartment, waking up the next day to the realisation that I had left some jewellery at his. If you’ve ever tried to kid yourself that something hasn’t happened, you’ll know that that was so incredibly annoying as I couldn’t just erase from my living memory. Fast forward a few days to an awkward car park exchange of ”how are you’s”, me getting my jewellery back and starting the ’it didn’t happen’ process all over again.
Now, the real eye-opener and the straw that broke this old camels back with the age criteria came in the form of one Billboard sized red flag from ’Beach Bar Boy’. You’ll note that he has been named a boy and not a man. This is actually one of my favourite stories because I had witnesses to the madness that ensued that day. I’d started seeing this guy who I had known very loosely through work and after chatting for a couple of weeks we decided to start dating. It was very early doors and there was no real spark but we got on so I figured why not just hang out and see what happens. So fast forward a week or so and I’m at a bottomless brunch with one of my best friends, its a hot, sunny day and we really hit the bottomless booze hard because it’s basically a personal competition of how much prosecco you can get through in two hours. It was just the two of us and we had some friends come and meet us after at a pop up ’beach bar’ in town to continue the ’Drink Yourself into Oblivion Games’. A few hours went by and I messaged BBB to come and meet us so he could meet my friends and then he was going to give me a lift home. Win, win really. He turns up, meets my friends and everything is going well. Beers and laughs all round!
The fun had to stop for a few minutes as I had to use the ladies room. Because we were drinking at a pop up bar you had to use the local restaurants facilities which were less than 50metres away. The distance is important to give some context to time frames as I left the guy with one of my male friends for no longer than around 7 minutes. I come bouncing back over to where we were sat, BBB is no where to be seen. We assume he’s gone to the little boys room as my other mate had gone to the bar and didn’t see him wonder off. A few minutes goes by, nothing. I call him and get no answer so I call another couple of times, leave a few texts and give up to go home. As you can imagine, being ditched whilst quite drunk and in front of your mates really isn’t ideal. On the walk home, I drunkenly tripped up a curb which resulted in a grazed knee and me crying like a 4 year old with a box of takeaway halloumi in my hand which I proudly managed to save from the spilling onto the pavement.
About an hour later I get a message from BBB saying ”sorry, something came up. I’ll explain tomorrow”. As a normal (I think) human being, I instinctively hoped he was okay and nothing had happened to him or his family. The next day comes and goes with no explanation from BBB, another day tries to come and go but I absolutely do not let it and send a message that evening asking if I am going to get any kind of explanation as I, like most, don’t enjoy being ghosted. The response is really quite fantastic. ”I don’t know what you mean. You were drunk and you were annoying me so I went home and saw my mates. I thought it was the only way”. This had me pretty hacked off on multiple levels. For one it sounds like I had the guy trapped against his own will, like some drunk horny cougar. Secondly, I can admit that I can see off a bit too much alcohol at times, but drunk and annoying?! You’re just not on my wavelength pal! I politely told him he was incredibly immature and not to contact me again. Which he successfully complied with until a few months ago when he popped up on my WhatsApp to see if I’d forgiven him! This time I told him where to go and to have a nice life .
This is where I set a 25 and over policy which I dip in and out of when it suits me! I also try my best to run a mile after the first red flag, which is much easier said than done. I’ve still got my fingers crossed that I’ll learn from my own mistakes someday.
Dating tip #2 try and set your boundaries/limits (I’m not talking safe words) so you know what you will and won’t tolerate from others whether that’s You really should set your alcohol limits too, but as far as I’m concerned drunk people have more fun!